I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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