I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
