so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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