Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do herpes really smell.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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