I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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