In America we eat man semen.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
