some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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