Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
