I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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