i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
