he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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