I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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