mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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