y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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