Your dad touched me again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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