You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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