just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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