I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
