I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
