So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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