Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
