i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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