Do you still have your period?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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