saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
