apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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