Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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