I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
