Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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