Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
