My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
