my mouth tastes like poor choices
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
