Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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