Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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