oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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