Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
