Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
