I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
