her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
