She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
