I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
