kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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