we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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