I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
