I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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