Kiss
Puke
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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