Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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