my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize