ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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