I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
