Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
