john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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