ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
