Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
