Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
