just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
