Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
