I hate all girls vehemently.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
