Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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