Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
