She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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