She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is there bacon in the couch?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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