Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
