Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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