The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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