he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
