Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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